My Firstborn

i want to let you know how much you mean to me since the next few months will be both magical and hard and things are about to drastically change. I love your tender soul- how you know when I'm sad or frustrated and even though you are three you try to make things better. I love your heart and how you love so hard- youre protective of me and you are fiercely loyal. I love that you have been my best little friend for 3 years, 7 months, and 6 days. I wasn't ready for you or how hard I would love you. You made me a momma and a better person. You are my favorite part of life.

i don't know that you, daddy, and I are ready for our new baby but I do know that ready or not he is coming and once he is here we will all fall in love with each other even more. I can't wait to watch you grow with him and teach him and watch our hearts expand with more love than we think is possible.

I will always love you. You're my favorite Jack in the world.

momma

My Tribe

It's a unique experience. How life goes on...how it creates and terminates and changes and stays the same. It breaks us- we break other things. It changes us- we change other people.  God speaks to us but sometime He doesn't. We listen but then we don't. 

This year is so full of life and change already. The first brother is getting married. The first sister is getting confidence in her goals and it shows in how she carries herself and how she lives her life. The second brother is moving out on his own and learning what is important. The second sister is moving away and starting a grown up life... With a boy;). The third (my baby brother) is graduating from high school and starts college in a few months. It's literally an exodus of how life is and has been. Our tribe is moving and growing and changing and living their own lives. Pray for our mom and dad- they are ecstatic and sad all at once.... I personally think they will love the empty nest but it will be hard- for 28 years they have had a full house. It's an emotional roller coaster around here.  

It's been almost a year since we lost our last pregnancy. It was the one I wanted. The one I was "ready" for and the one I prayed for in advance. I'm not sure why I had to have that sadness and loss. I don't know that I will ever fully understand what the purpose was. It was the hardest year of our lives. I still cry when I think about our lost baby. I've chosen to believe that it was a time to show me the strength that I had, understanding that my husband had, and that I can't know what is going to happen or why but that God has a plan.  

That being said, sometime life does break but it also creates. I'll be honest I wasn't graceful or ecstatic about finding out I was pregnant in January of this year. I was/am actually kind of terrified / crying/ happy... I'm an actual mess all of the time. It's a wonder my boys haven't packed up and run for the hills yet! 

I'm still terrified... How will I love another baby as much as I love my Jack? How do I juggle laundry and work and marriage and babies and not screw it up? I know billions do it everyday and have for centuries but We never have....but then I think about all the minutes Tyler and I have had since we first became Mommy and Daddy. Jack's first word, first step, first night away, first broken bone, second broken bone, first fall off of the bike... First "I love you momma" and the thousands of other priceless memories we have now.

I know God gives us what we need and apparently Jack needs a brother, and we need another little boy, and my tribe needed one more change this year and despite all my tears and fears I couldn't be happier. 

We can't wait to meet you baby Hines! We already love you to the moon and back 💕

3

Legit this year was hard. A broken leg, a real strong will, a broken elbow, surgery, a ridiculous amout of watered down Apple juice, a super intense addiction to Curious George and a love of all things John Deere and we made it thru the terrible 2's.

I won't say I loved every part of it but I did love spending all the time with you. Getting to know the little person that you have become. Watching you learn colors and numbers and rules and how to get your way sometimes.

I love how much you love the beach but don't really care for the sand. How much you love the lake house. How much you love to sneak into our bed at night. Your snacking addiction. How much you love Friday nights at Grammie Girl's house and dinner with Mimi and Grammy Hall. I love that your make me hot "chocwatt" in your kitchen and you have a baby doll.  I love that when you're nervous you tell people you're a cowboy. You're in love with everyone most of the time but people better not push your buttons or else (sorry bout that temper- I'm quite certain it's hereditary)You wear pajamas to work at least 4 times a month. You shake hands and introduce yourself on playgrounds. You say, "I love ya momma" and "you're pretty". I love that you kiss me just about a million times a day.  You ask where everything came from and "did Jesus make that momma?".  You and daddy could make me crazy with your loud wrestling matches and I love that too.


I'm  in love with being your momma and I can't wait to see what happens with 3.... But please- NO more broken bones!!! ❤️

You are a gift from God.  And you are my heart. Happy Birthday my little Love.

Momma