Vivi girl. Chapter 2.

 And just like that my baby is 2. 

There is so much I love about that fact that you’re my baby. You completely knocked us off balance and we are all so much better because of you. You’re our feral child, our “never met a stranger” child, and our favorite little girl child.

You have spunk. So. Much. Sass. You’re hilarious and sweet and you aren’t afraid to bite a fool if they cross you. You insist on always being dressed in a dress- not just any kind of dress because only pretty dresses will do the job. You love shopping on Amazon. Online shopping is one of your favorite pastimes- I get it, because I love it too. 

You’re always up for a trip to Starbucks (or “buckies” as you say). You want to do and go everything and everywhere with me. If I’m leaving you’re leaving. 

For a while you went by “Princess Maude” - a name that you love and we have no idea how you came up with it. 

You were potty trained- like all the way during quarantine but when I went back to work you refused to be potty trained anymore- I think you wanted to be the baby still. It’s okay, I know you’ll get there.

If we pass a McDonalds you loudly let me know you “need fwench fwies”. When you’re getting in trouble you let us know “I fine, daddy” it’s hilarious.

You’ve gone thru a rough patch and like to say, “shut up” and “stupid”. I get after you and you just say “l sorry momma” and then it’s all okay. You will yell at a us if we get after the boys- you love them fiercely. It reminds me of myself. 

You have gorgeous hair, beautiful blue eyes, and creamy white skin. You love having your nails painted. We sat in the bathroom floor and I painted your nails and toes and braided your hair. We sang the Frozen soundtrack. You were so happy you glowed. You loved that I knew the words. You hugged and kissed me and said you loved me a million times. It’s my favorite memory so far.

I love you so much it’s like my heart is outside of my body. I want everything for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be fulfilled. I want you to be loved and know your worth. I want you to know you can always tell me anything and I’ll never judge you. I will always fight for you. You’re my girl, forever. You’re a dream I never expected to have come true.

I love you Vivianne. Always.

Momma 

Pax

Jack and I just finished one of the best books I’ve ever read. You all have enough time right now. Go buy “Pax”.
“It's a Buddhist concept. Nonduality. It's about oneness, about how things that seem to be separate are really connected to one another. There are no separations...This is not just a piece of wood. This is also the clouds that brought the rain that watered the tree, and the birds that nested in it and the squirrels that fed on its nuts. It is also the food my grandparents fed me that made me strong enough to cut the tree, and it's the steel in the axe I used. And it's how you know your fox, which allowed you to carve him yesterday. And it's the story you will tell your children when you give this to them. All these things are separate but also one, inseparable. Do you see?”
-Sara Pennypacker, Pax

It’s a kids book but literally a life changing and deep story.

My Jack is 8

I’m late. Like 2 months. But I finally wrote my birthday letter to Jack.
Jack. My sweet, frustrating, and lovable Jack. I can’t believe you are 8 years old. The last year you have grown so much! You are the most curious person I know. You love to learn about how things work and why.
You love to be with your people- I think that’s the thing I discovered most this year. Your love language is quality time. I never realized the huge impact a ten or twenty minute one-on-one section of time could have on a person. You need the interaction to feel loved and valued. I really love being able to do things with you. I love going to your class on Thursday mornings- getting to see you in a different light and watching how that part of your life affects you as a little person.

Some of my favorite memories from the last year...
•we visited the Henry Ford- you inspected the trains, you evaluated the inventions. It made me so happy to watch you learn.
•we climbed that huge hill/little mountain in the fairy glen on the isle of Skye. It was magic. We discovered our strength. We encouraged each other. And on that day you discovered that you liked adventure and risk- it’s honestly one of my very favorite and proudest memories. Of my entire life.
•you found out you love jumping off the diving board
•that time you took me into the corn field next to the house on Marlette Road. It was so exciting for you to have followed a “pod of quail” into the secret room.
•every post Malone song we love (and I pretend to not approve of).
•how we worked thru anxiety in the Dublin airport.
•every time you took the time to make sure vivi knows you love her.
•the rare (but increasing) moments when you and Jamie are very best friends.
•the way we have fallen in love with all books by Mac Barnett.
•you still call me “momma”
•the way we soberly read about grey’s death in the book Pax.
•the way you beg for “one more chapter”.
•the way you want me to still let you fall asleep in my bed on Saturday nights.
You make me want to be a better person. I want everything for you. I want you to know that no means no. I want you to know that you aren’t the center of the universe. I want you to know that kindness can’t be faked, money doesn’t buy taste, and you don’t need to be everyone’s friend. I want you to travel. I want you to care about the earth. I want you to respect others and to know your worth. Be kind. Be brave. Be vulnerable. Live a life you’re proud of and don’t ever stop dreaming.
Happy 8th birthday. I love you always.
Momma

Happy 4th Birthday Jameson

To my sweet Jamie boy,

I’m late. Again. And my favorite thing about you is that you will understand. You’re my baby boy and my middle kid and that makes you so much more understanding than the other two. I hate that I don’t always get to you right away. I work on it and work at making sure you feel loved and important but I’m pretty sure I drop the ball from time to time but you love me anyways. 

I love doing things with you. I love seeing you come fully alive when you’re being the center of attention. You are a funny kid and you know how to make me laugh. 

Since I was the oldest kid in my family I always assumed that the oldest was the natural caretaker. But you taught me something new- you like to take care of people too. You keep sister out of trouble and bring her back if she tries to run out of the yard. You always make sure that you get enough of whatever you are given to share with your siblings. You surprise me - and I think it’s important that you know - Jack made me a momma but you have made me a better momma and person. And I love you so much.

I love that you always want to be with us. I love that you love going to see your friends at day care. I love that you always put your Jamie spin on words- you add an “L” to basically every word. You call the people at daycare the “daycare guys”. You love peanut butter and making cheese-sticks have crazy hair. 

My favorite memory of you from this year was when the two of us were at the grocery store and I let you ride the penny ride- the little elephant one. It was perfect. Your smile was perfect and I made your whole day perfect just by paying attention to what you liked. I love that minute in our lives. 

You love your blue tiger, your baby dumbo, blue berry yogurt, fruit smoothies, comfy clothes, stories about your little friends, back scratches at bedtime, bath time and bath bombs, going to the library, going to grams and Mimi’s, and you love your family.

We are so lucky to have you. I always say you were everything we ever needed in a little brother and a best friend.

Thanks for picking our crazy family baby doll.

Love,

Momma 

Sweet Vivianne is 1!

Today is my baby’s first birthday. I write this for her but I share it with all of you for a very specific reason. I hope it inspires you all to write. Write to your children. Write to your significant other. Write to yourself. Just write.

My sweet little Vivianne,

I didn’t even know what I was missing until I met you. You’re the best parts of me, but even better. You’re a gentle soul. You’re sweet and you’re already scrappy. You’re my last baby and my best girl. Your existence completed mine.

I didn’t think I’d ever have a girl. I really didn’t. I absolutely loved our family before you and God decided that we were the right fit for you. Now I can’t even describe how much better we all are because of you.

Your brothers adore you- you keep them gentle. And you created a fierce protectiveness in them that I didn’t realize existed. One of your first words was “sister” - because you are their little “sister-girl” and they call to you all the time. They hug you, fight over you, sneak you into their room when they are supposed to be sleeping because they just want to spend a little bit more time with you.

You love your grandparents. Snacking with Grammy Hall, loving on Grams, pulling papas beard, and playing toys at Mimi’s.

Things I never want to forget: your soft little hands, your sweet smelling hair, and the way you run to me. Your love of vanilla yogurt and the little sounds you make while eating it. The way you melt into your daddy or me when we dance with you. The way you wake up in the morning (smack your lips, sigh contentedly, and smile). The way you stop everything when I ask if you want to nurse. Your sweet and clumsy little wave. The way you run to daddy when you’re sad. You’re the happiest baby I have ever seen. The crazy grin when you accomplish something new. And the funny little obsession you have with wearing aprons.

I can’t accurately explain how blessed and thankful I am that you chose me to be your momma.  Even though I didn’t expect to have you, I have had a lifetime of planning for us. I can’t wait to do everything together. When I found out you were on your way I immediately pictured us planning for proms, college, vacations, a wedding- the nurse laughed at me. But I was so excited I couldn’t stop!

I hope that you always know that I will always love you. There is nothing that can change that. I will always listen- to heartbreak and disappointments, to successes and plans and dreams. I am, and will always be, your biggest fan. May you see the world and have the ability to see beauty in even the ugliest of situations. May you understand that beauty is deeper than skin. May you know the value of the written word. May you know that love is more than a word. And may you know that you are enough.

Happy birthday sister girl.

I love you. Always.

-Momma

Jack is 7

Every year, since your birth, I have written you a letter. I write so that our emotions and memories will not be forgotten in the passing of days. I write to you so that the value of day-to-day life can be revisited and re-understood with fresh eyes as we both grow.  I write to you so you understand the value of the written word.

I always say that you have taught me how to be a momma. You teach me every day and I teach you too- how to write, how to read, how to add 1,000 + 75. I teach you how to understand your emotions, how to be a good person, and how to pick your dirty clothes up off the floor. The things that you teach me are so much more significant- how to be patient, how to stay curious, how to see things with new eyes, and how to meet others where they are. 

I’ve thought about it a lot and I think that, while you were born seven years ago, our souls have always been together. I think it’s like that- momma and baby, together from the beginning of time. 

I pray that this year is amazing for you. I pray that you continue to learn the importance of being kind, of standing up for yourself and others, and I pray that you understand and appreciate the value of exploring the world around us. The entire world- I hope you see it all. My goal in life is to raise kind, well read, and well traveled humans. 

You make me proud. Be happy. Know I will always have your back. I will always love you.

Happy birthday Baby.

Momma 💕

2,558. That’s the number of days you’ve been earth-side.

Jameson is 3!

Where to start... you turned 3! And you loved every second of your birthday. You were so specific about what you wanted- a “tractor cakey with sprinkles”. We had a lovely day and, at your request, spent the day with your people at grams house. 

Two was a delightful year. Seriously it was. This summer was one of my favorites that I can remember. In this year you became a big brother. You take the role as seriously as I always hoped you would. You love hard and are fiercely protective. Your sister-girl adores you and you’re Jack’s best friend. 

You’re a copy cat this year. You do everything that Jack does. You’re quiet when you don’t want to be left out but you have a presence that makes people notice you. You’ve a strong will and a strong opinions. 

You have the cutest little teeth and the sweetest smile- which you need because your dimples have helped you get out of trouble more than once. 

You get so excited about life and really into new fun things- we got a flyer for Disney in the mail- you carried it sound for days and fell asleep with it. We obviously went and you loved it- especially the “slinky dog”. 

You love when I rub your back as you fall asleep. You love to be held and hugged. I love the innocence of that. You just love.

I know we will have a great year. I am so happy you’re my baby. You’re a good boy. You make me proud to be your momma. I’ll love you forever and just a little bit more too.

Love,

Momma 

For Jack- 6th birthday

Dear Jack, 

Happy sixth trip around the sun baby. It’s been a great year and I am so proud of how you are growing up. You’re teaching us so much and learning so much and it’s interesting to watch you develop your own ideas and set of beliefs. 

This is the year that really cemented in our minds that you are not the type of kid to “go with the flow”. We tried to force you into the normal flow of kindergarten. While you were doing well academically it wasn’t the right place spiritually or emotionally for you. You were a triangle being shoved into circle. We lost some of You for a while but we are getting back to good again. We prayed and talked and tested and after lots of consideration decided that you (and our family) at least for now are going to take another path. 

I’m proud and exhausted by your ability to reason. I know you’re destined for good things in life. I don’t ever want you to think I expect too much of you but I will guide you as best as I can. If, at the end of the day, I can say that my son is well read, well traveled, still respects his momma, takes care of those in need,  and loves his family then I will feel that I have done my job well. 

I love so much about the last year but especially the following:

You still call us “momma” and “daddy”

You and brother sneak into each other’s beds most nights

You can’t wait to have a “sister girl”

You love Friday nights with grams and papa and Tuesday afternoons with Mimi 

Mouse trap is your favorite game (even though I hate it- I like that you love it)

I love kicking your butt (and daddy’s) at scrabble

You “can’t shut off” your mind at night- that’s because you’re intelligent and you will get some of your best ideas if you listen hard. 

You hold hands with brother

You love your little cousins

You have strong political opinions- I’m not even making this up. 

I can’t let you watch the news because the world upsets you- this speaks volumes about your tender heart and I love that about you

You stand up for fairness

You are funny 

Don’t be afraid to be who you are. You were put here for a reason. Being normal is a trap. Explore and taste everything the world has to offer. 

I love you forever. Thank you for teaching me to be a momma. It’s an honor that you chose our family. 

Love,

Momma girl

Jameson: Chapter 2

I held you as you fell asleep tonight. It is your last night as a one year old. I tried to soak up all the things that make you so perfect. I never want to forget the sticky little boy hands, the sweaty little curls, and the way you hold my hand while you drift from this world to the land of dreams. 

I'll always be thankful for the way you happened. I love that when you came to us you were soft and peaceful. You were exactly what I didn't know I needed. The year you were born was so challenging. I cried myself to sleep the night you were born- from relief because you were here- from fear of the future- from worry about money- from hoping I would be a good enough mom to you and Jack. You were so gentle in how you joined our family. You brought a peace and an ease to my heart. You were the missing piece in my heart. 

All the mushy stuff aside- you're hilarious kid!You make me laugh all day. Your toothy little grin and the way you run around the singing, "happy, happy, happy" just melt my heart. You love your brother-like a lot. You also know how to irritate the heck out of him- you're such a little bro. 

In August you finally had tubes put in- at that point you started talking- and you haven't stopped yet. 

You're a daredevil. You're on the kitchen counter trying to make toast or jumping off the couch or climbing into the fort. You never stop until you fall asleep. 

You eat anything. Tomatoes off the vine, shrimp, mac and cheese- literally anything. And also you can't function in the morning until you've had your juice. 

I'm so happy we get to be together every day one on one. It's been so good for you to be alone when Jack is at school. You're little personality has really come alive.

Things I hope to always remember: your love of Daniel tiger, how much you love papa, the way you say "stop" and "Lu" and "mama". The deep love of all things motorized, the way you hug brother before school, how much you love horses  at grams, how you yell "Mimi", the fact that you like your toes painted, and the way you roar like a dinosaur.

I said all of that to say this-

Happy birthday Jamie boy.

I'll love you way past forever.

Momma

Jack is five!

They say it goes fast and it always surprises me when it does. I can't believe you've been mine to care for and teach for five whole years. I wouldn't trade any of that time for anything. The year of four has been a time of discovering your voice and opinions and convictions. The fourth year was up and down but mostly up. It was a full year of traveling, trying new things, loving old things, and being a big brother.

The past year you pushed your boundaries. You questioned everything and "tried" not to hear us. You tried (as most children do) to play us against each other sometimes and thankfully we learned and stopped it. This has been an important year for you to learn boundaries and for us as parents to grow as a team.

This past year has been so big for you! A few months ago you interrupted a Bible story and told me you wanted to ask Jesus into your life. I was so proud and thankful to have been there for you in that minute and to have been the one to teach you up to that time in your life.

We spent two weeks on a family trip. You loved every second on Marco Island. You loved exploring the little "sea creatures", building in the sand, and "only getting my toes wet in the sea".

You have become a fierce protector - of your brother, your momma, and anyone else you love.

You're a little environmentalist. If I had allowed it you would have gone to Standing Rock. You also love the trees and actually suggested standing in front of a forest to "stop the greedy people who ruin forests" (sorry, not sorry I've rubbed off on you). You caught your first fish (and put it back) and you grew your own vegetables in the garden with daddy.

We learned how to meditate. We learned how to stand in the sun and say thank you to the earth for letting us take part. You learned how to breathe deep and feel to earth beneath your feet.

You've learned to read small words. You spend time with Grams a few days a week learning your letters. You sounded out CAT a few weeks ago and I was so happy I think I embarrassed you.I love that Grams taught me to read and she is teaching you to read too. There's something really special about that.

I can't wait to see what the year of five brings to you. Together, we (daddy, you, and me) are building up the foundation for your whole life and I think it's turning out really beautiful. I love you so much it hurts. You make your daddy and me proud. You're a beautiful person. Happiest of birthday to you, my precious boy. I'll love you always.

I think Audrey sings it best. Moon River is the song I give to you for this year:

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me.

Jameson is 1

A year ago tonight we went to bed for the last time as a family three. Even though I knew you would come soon I didn't know that the next day would be one of the best days of my life. I didn't know how you would calmly make your way into the world and into our hearts.

I woke up early and knew it was your day. I didn't wake daddy up. I knew it was the last time the two of us would have such an inside secret. We worked through it together. Your birth didn't "happen" to us- it was us. Your birth gave me life too. Your birth gave me and daddy a new hope for life.

You fit perfectly. You're a lover. You're an observer and then an doer. For the first 6 months of life you let your daddy rock you to sleep which is so different from your brother but was a perfect time for you and daddy to get to know each other. You're quiet. You like to figure things out. You didn't crawl. You rolled and then you walked. You have beautiful curls. You have six little teeth. You still have a hint of a farmers tan and you have the sweetest dimples.

You love books, and dogs, the itsy bitsy spider, and the "you are my sunshine" song. You will try anything I feed you and like it all. You love "driving" down dirt roads, going for walks in gram and papa's fields, horses, the theme song to "the office", green beans, peach yogurt, bath time, bike rides with daddy, and you love your brother.

If there is one thing I know I was put on this earth for, it was to be a momma to you and to Jack. In a million lifetimes I am positive we would find each other again and again. Our souls know each other- they came from the same place. Thank you for choosing me. You have a beautiful soul and I look forward to what life will bring your way.

Sleep tight my sweet Jameson because each tomorrow is yours. I love you forever.

Momma





"Every night they fall asleep with me in between them. One nursing and one hugging me. I'm so used to them I don't even need to see their faces to know they are asleep. I can feel it. We come from the same place. Our hearts have shared the same spaces. Once I get up they almost always move towards each other. Brothers. I'm so happy I get to be their momma".

my rainbow

My Jameson Fitz,

the very beginning... i was afraid to love you... you scared me at 7 weeks. during that ultrasound i didn't even want to acknowledge that you would be okay. at the 20 week ultrasound i sobbed uncontrollably, like for two hours and then off and on again for a few days... i promise i really was excited to see you. i couldn't believe you were there. your perfect little spine, your obvious signs of being a little boy, and your sweet tiny hands were all there and I knew that I already loved you more than life.

the middle...once we got past the first 25 weeks i could feel myself find some peace. you and me, we learned how to meditate. we prayed together. we took baths with music and candles. we read books with brother and took lots of walks while he rode his little bike. we loved bear claw ice cream, any kind of cereal, and ice cubes (like a mountain of ice cubes), we learned how to handle things that are outside of our control. i learned that i'm stronger than i thought i was. we met awesome people like our hypno birth instructor and our midwife who were sent by heaven to help me deal with my fears.

birthday...  your journey earth side started at five am on a tuesday. i slept thru it for a few hours. we got jack joe off to school and then headed to the hospital. you, me, and daddy hypno birthed like bosses with no meds- i am really proud of that. your birth was amazing. i literally fell in love at first sight. so did daddy. and so did aunt rae and grams.

 

you have been the sweetest baby. you are so gentle and easy. you love your brother and he loves you. i have prayed for a good relationship between the two of you since before either of you were born. you're already funny. you smile all of the time. you have a stubborn streak and, God help us, but you also have the family temper on rare occasions. you like my singing and you love nursing even more.you are my rainbow baby. you're a lover. you're the one who made my heart expand more than i ever knew was possible.

i. love. you.

love momma

4

Happy birthday, my sweet boy. Four years ago I discovered what I was put on this earth to do and be. You've brought sun to our lives and we love you. It has been a very busy year. You are a patient boy and have managed to still love me even thru all of my parenting fails. You became a big brother with grace and a protector immediately. You are, inherently, a bear when it comes to protecting the ones you love.

This year God has taught me a few things through you:

1.) To stop and smell the roses. I caught myself constantly saying, "hurry up". You, my beautiful son, are NOT in a hurry... And that is OK. I see more and explore more and read one more story because of you. 

2.) Children/people don't respond well to yelling. In a battle of the strong wills, between you and I, I have been known to raise my voice. Yelling at you is aweful. I end up feeling terrible and we both might cry. Yelling at a child is disrespectful and sends the wrong message. I promise I'm still going to screw that up but year 3 of your life has taught me that a gentle word, eye contact, and a guiding hand are the way to teach.

Things that I have loved this year... You love your Jameson so much. You say, "I love you" a million times a day. You give kisses. You think old people with white hair have "ghost hair"- not sure where you came up with it but I laugh every time. You successfully use big words like "delicious", "luscious", "ridiculous", "scandalous", "terrible", "tragic", "glorious",  and "incredible". And then you turn around and sing at the top of your lungs the words to the song from The Grinch.  You hate the Happy Birthday song. You've officially kicked me out of the bathroom when you have to go because you are "a big boy". But you still like to be held like a baby sometimes and love to take baths with me. You love carrots and cucumbers, cheese it's and chocolate teddy grams, Friday nights at Grammie and Pappa's house. Time with Uncle and Rae Rae. You're sad when everyone goes home and can't wait until "all of my peeps are back together again". You like hotels and room service- ya get that from me (nothing beats a 5 star in the city). You fight with and love your daddy fiercely- you are twins. You're sensitive to noise and hate to be the center of attention. You love one on one time. 

You do this cute little thing when you're really really happy- you will hug whoever you're with and say, "just look at us". I think it's like you are taking a mental photo. I know that's what I do when we have a minute like that.

I could go forever talking about you but I'll end with parts of your favorite songs...

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

&

There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Believe in your dreams
Come what may.

I sense that you have a big purpose. You have a gentle soul and are open to God's direction. This will be an amazing year. I love you forever. 

Love,

Momma

My Firstborn

i want to let you know how much you mean to me since the next few months will be both magical and hard and things are about to drastically change. I love your tender soul- how you know when I'm sad or frustrated and even though you are three you try to make things better. I love your heart and how you love so hard- youre protective of me and you are fiercely loyal. I love that you have been my best little friend for 3 years, 7 months, and 6 days. I wasn't ready for you or how hard I would love you. You made me a momma and a better person. You are my favorite part of life.

i don't know that you, daddy, and I are ready for our new baby but I do know that ready or not he is coming and once he is here we will all fall in love with each other even more. I can't wait to watch you grow with him and teach him and watch our hearts expand with more love than we think is possible.

I will always love you. You're my favorite Jack in the world.

momma

My Tribe

It's a unique experience. How life goes on...how it creates and terminates and changes and stays the same. It breaks us- we break other things. It changes us- we change other people.  God speaks to us but sometime He doesn't. We listen but then we don't. 

This year is so full of life and change already. The first brother is getting married. The first sister is getting confidence in her goals and it shows in how she carries herself and how she lives her life. The second brother is moving out on his own and learning what is important. The second sister is moving away and starting a grown up life... With a boy;). The third (my baby brother) is graduating from high school and starts college in a few months. It's literally an exodus of how life is and has been. Our tribe is moving and growing and changing and living their own lives. Pray for our mom and dad- they are ecstatic and sad all at once.... I personally think they will love the empty nest but it will be hard- for 28 years they have had a full house. It's an emotional roller coaster around here.  

It's been almost a year since we lost our last pregnancy. It was the one I wanted. The one I was "ready" for and the one I prayed for in advance. I'm not sure why I had to have that sadness and loss. I don't know that I will ever fully understand what the purpose was. It was the hardest year of our lives. I still cry when I think about our lost baby. I've chosen to believe that it was a time to show me the strength that I had, understanding that my husband had, and that I can't know what is going to happen or why but that God has a plan.  

That being said, sometime life does break but it also creates. I'll be honest I wasn't graceful or ecstatic about finding out I was pregnant in January of this year. I was/am actually kind of terrified / crying/ happy... I'm an actual mess all of the time. It's a wonder my boys haven't packed up and run for the hills yet! 

I'm still terrified... How will I love another baby as much as I love my Jack? How do I juggle laundry and work and marriage and babies and not screw it up? I know billions do it everyday and have for centuries but We never have....but then I think about all the minutes Tyler and I have had since we first became Mommy and Daddy. Jack's first word, first step, first night away, first broken bone, second broken bone, first fall off of the bike... First "I love you momma" and the thousands of other priceless memories we have now.

I know God gives us what we need and apparently Jack needs a brother, and we need another little boy, and my tribe needed one more change this year and despite all my tears and fears I couldn't be happier. 

We can't wait to meet you baby Hines! We already love you to the moon and back 💕

3

Legit this year was hard. A broken leg, a real strong will, a broken elbow, surgery, a ridiculous amout of watered down Apple juice, a super intense addiction to Curious George and a love of all things John Deere and we made it thru the terrible 2's.

I won't say I loved every part of it but I did love spending all the time with you. Getting to know the little person that you have become. Watching you learn colors and numbers and rules and how to get your way sometimes.

I love how much you love the beach but don't really care for the sand. How much you love the lake house. How much you love to sneak into our bed at night. Your snacking addiction. How much you love Friday nights at Grammie Girl's house and dinner with Mimi and Grammy Hall. I love that your make me hot "chocwatt" in your kitchen and you have a baby doll.  I love that when you're nervous you tell people you're a cowboy. You're in love with everyone most of the time but people better not push your buttons or else (sorry bout that temper- I'm quite certain it's hereditary)You wear pajamas to work at least 4 times a month. You shake hands and introduce yourself on playgrounds. You say, "I love ya momma" and "you're pretty". I love that you kiss me just about a million times a day.  You ask where everything came from and "did Jesus make that momma?".  You and daddy could make me crazy with your loud wrestling matches and I love that too.


I'm  in love with being your momma and I can't wait to see what happens with 3.... But please- NO more broken bones!!! ❤️

You are a gift from God.  And you are my heart. Happy Birthday my little Love.

Momma

six weeks

05/16/2014 No one knows how much I cried that day...

2

Its your last night as 1 and I hate it- i do... Cuz tomorrow is coming and then you'll be two... and then 7... then 23...then you'll leave me . And im sad and Im happy and it hurts and I smile bc I love you. you deserve everything and I hope you know that. Its your last night as 1 and I love you-I do. Happy 2nd birthday Jacker- Mommy

1 1/2

I pure straight love this little kid. I love his tenacity, his sense of humor, his love of books and curious george.I love his willingness to learn and help and play and dance and sing. I love his innocence. I love to hear him call me momma. i really love it when he kisses me for no reason or reaches over to hold my hand. I love that his daddy is his hero and that he is his daddy's best friend.I love that he never sits still bc that means he is an adventurer. I love that he tried to ride Baxter like a horse today....and Baxter loves that he was able to get away just in time;)

JaCk iS oNe!!!

Sooo Jack is one! Its official! We dont have a baby baby anymore! We have a big boy baby:) The last year has been crazy and fun and tiring and interesting and full of tears and laughter and fear and fun and LOTS of prayers. I think its the most amazing thing to be part of growing a person. I mean he watches and learns and develops new traits, habits, and ideas all day long everyday. Jack has gone from crawling to running... Im pretty sure we skipped walking altogether. He loves his dogs, and music, and all of his family. He isnt too keen on going to work with me still but we are getting there (and if Im being honest who can blame him- I know I would rather stay home and play all day too).

We are finally falling asleep with out a nursing marathon every night and I love it. I love cuddling with him and reading 2 stories (and dont even think about trying to cheat him out of the second one because he knows!).Im actually glad that no one told me how hard it is to wean a stubborn baby because I probably would have avoided the whole nursing thing altogether lol. All joking aside though- even though it was hard to do I would never give it up since it was so special and I love the bond that we created.... Anyways enough about milk!

Some of my favorite moments from the first year:

The whole first week of his life (it was so exhausting but it was awesome)
The first time he said Mama and Dadda
The smile he gives me when I get home from work
The voluntary kisses and hugs-  they melt my heart and make me wanna cry bc Im so happy
Watching Jack and Daddy read books together
Going on vacation and watching Jack absorb everything- He loves the ocean!
Graduation from swim class:) He is my favorite micro fish!
Christmas morning!
Reading "I love you stinky face" two times in a row each night for a week and watching Jack love it everytime
Letting Jack spend the night away with Grandma and Grandpa Hart- I really missed him! Alot!
Hearing him try to say Thank you (sounds like tank too)
Last weekend I said "I love you" and he said it back!

Thank you Jack for being a good boy and thank you Ty for being my husband!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3