My Firstborn

i want to let you know how much you mean to me since the next few months will be both magical and hard and things are about to drastically change. I love your tender soul- how you know when I'm sad or frustrated and even though you are three you try to make things better. I love your heart and how you love so hard- youre protective of me and you are fiercely loyal. I love that you have been my best little friend for 3 years, 7 months, and 6 days. I wasn't ready for you or how hard I would love you. You made me a momma and a better person. You are my favorite part of life.

i don't know that you, daddy, and I are ready for our new baby but I do know that ready or not he is coming and once he is here we will all fall in love with each other even more. I can't wait to watch you grow with him and teach him and watch our hearts expand with more love than we think is possible.

I will always love you. You're my favorite Jack in the world.

momma

My Tribe

It's a unique experience. How life goes on...how it creates and terminates and changes and stays the same. It breaks us- we break other things. It changes us- we change other people.  God speaks to us but sometime He doesn't. We listen but then we don't. 

This year is so full of life and change already. The first brother is getting married. The first sister is getting confidence in her goals and it shows in how she carries herself and how she lives her life. The second brother is moving out on his own and learning what is important. The second sister is moving away and starting a grown up life... With a boy;). The third (my baby brother) is graduating from high school and starts college in a few months. It's literally an exodus of how life is and has been. Our tribe is moving and growing and changing and living their own lives. Pray for our mom and dad- they are ecstatic and sad all at once.... I personally think they will love the empty nest but it will be hard- for 28 years they have had a full house. It's an emotional roller coaster around here.  

It's been almost a year since we lost our last pregnancy. It was the one I wanted. The one I was "ready" for and the one I prayed for in advance. I'm not sure why I had to have that sadness and loss. I don't know that I will ever fully understand what the purpose was. It was the hardest year of our lives. I still cry when I think about our lost baby. I've chosen to believe that it was a time to show me the strength that I had, understanding that my husband had, and that I can't know what is going to happen or why but that God has a plan.  

That being said, sometime life does break but it also creates. I'll be honest I wasn't graceful or ecstatic about finding out I was pregnant in January of this year. I was/am actually kind of terrified / crying/ happy... I'm an actual mess all of the time. It's a wonder my boys haven't packed up and run for the hills yet! 

I'm still terrified... How will I love another baby as much as I love my Jack? How do I juggle laundry and work and marriage and babies and not screw it up? I know billions do it everyday and have for centuries but We never have....but then I think about all the minutes Tyler and I have had since we first became Mommy and Daddy. Jack's first word, first step, first night away, first broken bone, second broken bone, first fall off of the bike... First "I love you momma" and the thousands of other priceless memories we have now.

I know God gives us what we need and apparently Jack needs a brother, and we need another little boy, and my tribe needed one more change this year and despite all my tears and fears I couldn't be happier. 

We can't wait to meet you baby Hines! We already love you to the moon and back 💕

3

Legit this year was hard. A broken leg, a real strong will, a broken elbow, surgery, a ridiculous amout of watered down Apple juice, a super intense addiction to Curious George and a love of all things John Deere and we made it thru the terrible 2's.

I won't say I loved every part of it but I did love spending all the time with you. Getting to know the little person that you have become. Watching you learn colors and numbers and rules and how to get your way sometimes.

I love how much you love the beach but don't really care for the sand. How much you love the lake house. How much you love to sneak into our bed at night. Your snacking addiction. How much you love Friday nights at Grammie Girl's house and dinner with Mimi and Grammy Hall. I love that your make me hot "chocwatt" in your kitchen and you have a baby doll.  I love that when you're nervous you tell people you're a cowboy. You're in love with everyone most of the time but people better not push your buttons or else (sorry bout that temper- I'm quite certain it's hereditary)You wear pajamas to work at least 4 times a month. You shake hands and introduce yourself on playgrounds. You say, "I love ya momma" and "you're pretty". I love that you kiss me just about a million times a day.  You ask where everything came from and "did Jesus make that momma?".  You and daddy could make me crazy with your loud wrestling matches and I love that too.


I'm  in love with being your momma and I can't wait to see what happens with 3.... But please- NO more broken bones!!! ❤️

You are a gift from God.  And you are my heart. Happy Birthday my little Love.

Momma

six weeks

05/16/2014 No one knows how much I cried that day...

2

Its your last night as 1 and I hate it- i do... Cuz tomorrow is coming and then you'll be two... and then 7... then 23...then you'll leave me . And im sad and Im happy and it hurts and I smile bc I love you. you deserve everything and I hope you know that. Its your last night as 1 and I love you-I do. Happy 2nd birthday Jacker- Mommy

1 1/2

I pure straight love this little kid. I love his tenacity, his sense of humor, his love of books and curious george.I love his willingness to learn and help and play and dance and sing. I love his innocence. I love to hear him call me momma. i really love it when he kisses me for no reason or reaches over to hold my hand. I love that his daddy is his hero and that he is his daddy's best friend.I love that he never sits still bc that means he is an adventurer. I love that he tried to ride Baxter like a horse today....and Baxter loves that he was able to get away just in time;)

JaCk iS oNe!!!

Sooo Jack is one! Its official! We dont have a baby baby anymore! We have a big boy baby:) The last year has been crazy and fun and tiring and interesting and full of tears and laughter and fear and fun and LOTS of prayers. I think its the most amazing thing to be part of growing a person. I mean he watches and learns and develops new traits, habits, and ideas all day long everyday. Jack has gone from crawling to running... Im pretty sure we skipped walking altogether. He loves his dogs, and music, and all of his family. He isnt too keen on going to work with me still but we are getting there (and if Im being honest who can blame him- I know I would rather stay home and play all day too).

We are finally falling asleep with out a nursing marathon every night and I love it. I love cuddling with him and reading 2 stories (and dont even think about trying to cheat him out of the second one because he knows!).Im actually glad that no one told me how hard it is to wean a stubborn baby because I probably would have avoided the whole nursing thing altogether lol. All joking aside though- even though it was hard to do I would never give it up since it was so special and I love the bond that we created.... Anyways enough about milk!

Some of my favorite moments from the first year:

The whole first week of his life (it was so exhausting but it was awesome)
The first time he said Mama and Dadda
The smile he gives me when I get home from work
The voluntary kisses and hugs-  they melt my heart and make me wanna cry bc Im so happy
Watching Jack and Daddy read books together
Going on vacation and watching Jack absorb everything- He loves the ocean!
Graduation from swim class:) He is my favorite micro fish!
Christmas morning!
Reading "I love you stinky face" two times in a row each night for a week and watching Jack love it everytime
Letting Jack spend the night away with Grandma and Grandpa Hart- I really missed him! Alot!
Hearing him try to say Thank you (sounds like tank too)
Last weekend I said "I love you" and he said it back!

Thank you Jack for being a good boy and thank you Ty for being my husband!

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