the very beginning... i was afraid to love you... you scared me at 7 weeks. during that ultrasound i didn't even want to acknowledge that you would be okay. at the 20 week ultrasound i sobbed uncontrollably, like for two hours and then off and on again for a few days... i promise i really was excited to see you. i couldn't believe you were there. your perfect little spine, your obvious signs of being a little boy, and your sweet tiny hands were all there and I knew that I already loved you more than life.
the middle...once we got past the first 25 weeks i could feel myself find some peace. you and me, we learned how to meditate. we prayed together. we took baths with music and candles. we read books with brother and took lots of walks while he rode his little bike. we loved bear claw ice cream, any kind of cereal, and ice cubes (like a mountain of ice cubes), we learned how to handle things that are outside of our control. i learned that i'm stronger than i thought i was. we met awesome people like our hypno birth instructor and our midwife who were sent by heaven to help me deal with my fears.
birthday... your journey earth side started at five am on a tuesday. i slept thru it for a few hours. we got jack joe off to school and then headed to the hospital. you, me, and daddy hypno birthed like bosses with no meds- i am really proud of that. your birth was amazing. i literally fell in love at first sight. so did daddy. and so did aunt rae and grams.
i. love. you.
love momma
