It's a unique experience. How life goes on...how it creates and terminates and changes and stays the same. It breaks us- we break other things. It changes us- we change other people. God speaks to us but sometime He doesn't. We listen but then we don't.
This year is so full of life and change already. The first brother is getting married. The first sister is getting confidence in her goals and it shows in how she carries herself and how she lives her life. The second brother is moving out on his own and learning what is important. The second sister is moving away and starting a grown up life... With a boy;). The third (my baby brother) is graduating from high school and starts college in a few months. It's literally an exodus of how life is and has been. Our tribe is moving and growing and changing and living their own lives. Pray for our mom and dad- they are ecstatic and sad all at once.... I personally think they will love the empty nest but it will be hard- for 28 years they have had a full house. It's an emotional roller coaster around here.
It's been almost a year since we lost our last pregnancy. It was the one I wanted. The one I was "ready" for and the one I prayed for in advance. I'm not sure why I had to have that sadness and loss. I don't know that I will ever fully understand what the purpose was. It was the hardest year of our lives. I still cry when I think about our lost baby. I've chosen to believe that it was a time to show me the strength that I had, understanding that my husband had, and that I can't know what is going to happen or why but that God has a plan.
That being said, sometime life does break but it also creates. I'll be honest I wasn't graceful or ecstatic about finding out I was pregnant in January of this year. I was/am actually kind of terrified / crying/ happy... I'm an actual mess all of the time. It's a wonder my boys haven't packed up and run for the hills yet!
I'm still terrified... How will I love another baby as much as I love my Jack? How do I juggle laundry and work and marriage and babies and not screw it up? I know billions do it everyday and have for centuries but We never have....but then I think about all the minutes Tyler and I have had since we first became Mommy and Daddy. Jack's first word, first step, first night away, first broken bone, second broken bone, first fall off of the bike... First "I love you momma" and the thousands of other priceless memories we have now.
I know God gives us what we need and apparently Jack needs a brother, and we need another little boy, and my tribe needed one more change this year and despite all my tears and fears I couldn't be happier.
We can't wait to meet you baby Hines! We already love you to the moon and back 💕
